My relative was in my hometown for a long while before we got in touch with each other, well, he was so busy with the change in employment to study and all the adjustment, and it just did not occur to me to get in touch with him, that when we made contact, we were so surprised we were only about 20 minutes drive away.
In chatting away, he recalled getting out of touch, or the lack of instant information that we have with digital communication, can easily create “distant” between individuals. How did people say 20 or 30 years ago stay in touch when they went to another place or even another country for work or study, or to care for someone? Lots of writing letters; for those who could not do that, then it’s long period of silence.
My friend also said it’s very common that one or both parents could not stay in touch with their children who have gone to another country to study. This is not such a problem if there are regular visits back home, or parents visiting their children. But to not maintain contact for 6 months or a year, or even longer periods of time, create a sort of barrier that could be difficult to “de-ice”, as he said. Yes, he said, he can recall one or two friends who parent(s) did not keep in touch with their children who were away from home.
Didn’t one side make an effort? Write more often, invite the other side to respond, or even use the phone, or get another family member to “suggest” them to write back?
Disagreement is often the cause of such “ice” relationship. What kind of disagreement, I asked?
Disagreement and preference, life choices, and so on. One side preferred something that go against the other side. Can it be such a big thing? Yes, my friend explained. Things like where and where not to buy a property epecially proximity to the parents’ home, and who you are forming relationship with, either business, or loving relationship. Come to think of it, where your own children go to school, what hobbies or skills they have, could have an impact on your own relationship with your parents, i.e. being grandparents to your children. Even what kinds of careers, and even what types of churches you attend.
It’s a sobering thought, that often we can be in such “power” relationship but we don’t realise it, or it took a long time to realise that it was difficult for either side to come back out. The effect is that the relationship that could have grown and flourished keeps staying “on hold” until such time both sides come together and there is some kind of “reset” of the relationship. Of course, one side could bow out and do what the other side wished, but that’s harder said than done, when that comes against everything else the person thinks and does.
The demand is unrealistic. To hold on the demand for the person to agree to do is very mean to say the least. But it also says something about the person exerting demand, that this could be a way for them to be “comforted” by the fact they could hold out such a wish on that person. It might be a means of their own surety, of themselves and their own personhood.
